“Why do Flowers Die too Soon?”

Picking up from “Phoenix at the Gateway to the Lakes” – an extract from the novel “Here Am I Sitting in my Tin Can.”

Dear Mark

Oh why did you come back into my life at this time?  It was so lovely seeing you again and I mean it when I said that you are still a beautiful man.  You said it was not just because of what you saw on the news about the fires in Greece, that you thought about me a lot… I too thought about you a lot through the years. You know I loved you once with all my heart and I sensed in the unspoken moments you wanted me to be that woman again, but sadly I can’t.  You see it would not be fair to fall in love again, on us both. I have sold my business and am going to live in London with my mum until I die.  The Doctors said it won’t be long, months or even weeks.  So that is the choice I have made. I will visit daddy tonight and say goodbye.  I remember you once asked why men do not receive flowers, so I send these and hope you like them and they don’t die too soon! I truly hope you finish your book and you stay safe and warm on your “tin can”, and get your life back together again soon.  Love always and goodbye, D x

I’m reading this for the umpteenth time, and each time the words feel like knives driven deeper. The moment I found the flowers last night, I raced to Diantha’s father’s restaurant in the high street, where I was told she’d already been and gone. 

“Gone where?” I said, “May I have an address?” 

“I don’t think she wants you to know,” he said, and added that she told him we’d met up again and she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to unearth distant memory, not now.

“Is that she?  Or you?” I said. He didn’t answer. He just told me he was busy, and I should get back on my van and drive, because there is nothing here for me.  Not now.

I know the flowers won’t last long on my tin can, so I clip them with my army knife and press them like Diantha said, in the pages of my atlas. I see they are primroses and wonder what they mean, and where I will go next.

To be continued…

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