Fantasy Football

As predicted in an earlier post, I think I’m going a lot stir-crazy and a little bit mad.

At the weekend, bereft of football and needing a fix, I turned to Sky for help, hoping they might show reruns of televised games across the whole of the football tier system. And guess what? I didn’t score, because all they had was highlights of the Premiership. Annoyed at such elitism and disregard for the millions like me who happen to support teams from lower leagues, I tried to apply for a reduction in my monthly tariff. To no avail again. To be honest I’m a little baffled as to why the Premier League can’t play their matches anyway (albeit behind closed doors) given the rule that players can’t go within two metres of each other without getting a red card.

In my anger I put pen to paper, and on a roll from my A to Z the other day, I set myself a challenge – to make a themed Fantasy Football team with an alphabet acrostic (an “alphabestic” if you will). More to that, I wondered if either of my readers could join me in the challenge, if anything to relieve the boredom of self-isolation? A kind of online writing workshop exercise.

So my rules are simple: take any eleven consecutive letters of the twenty-six and form a Fantasy Football team, with hilarious implications and pertinence to your current mood. You are allowed two substitutes, not necessarily following suit, but both beginning with the same letter.

So here, my virtual friends, is what I came up with:

Armandalegio (GK) – Italian goalkeeper and controversial signing from AC Milan to Frank Lampard’s Chelsea.

Bungz – German right-back and controversial signing from Bayern Munich to Frank Lampard’s Chelsea.

Costa Lotti – Spanish-Brazilian with a bad temper and filthy tackle. Now of Frank Lampard’s Chelsea.

Dayli Trobbery – One of only three Englishmen in the 11. No-nonsense defender at Burnley.

Eluvalotadosh – Romanian left-back on the books of Frank Lampard’s Chelsea but yet to make the first team.

Fortune Ndidi – French-Nigerian multi-million-pound midfielder. One of Liverpool’s acquisitions in their bid to finally win the Premier League in 2021.

Greidi Kuntz – Midfield general, son of Stefan, who earned 25 caps for the German national side.

Hardley-Worthitt – young Englishman tipped (by Frank Lampard) to be a prospect for the future.

Inder-Shit – German talisman on loan from Leverkusen to Frank Lampard’s Chelsea.

Justin Prophett – English goalscorer, grandson of former Sheffield Weds and Crewe defender Colin.

Kin Wan Ki – Expensive South Korean winger who dribbles and shoots.

Subs: Sterling, Silva

So that’s my effort. Your challenge, should you wish to accept it, is to do better. Come and have a go if you think you’re mad enough!

Or…